messy ugly dirty and positively beautiful

Life gets messy and dirty and ugly and positively terrible sometimes. There are dishes to wash on the sink and bad grades on the physics test you studied so much for and rain on days you planned on going to the beach. There are people who don’t keep your secrets and people who don’t invite you to their birthdays even when you invited them to yours. There are stupid problems you get over in three weeks and there are also hospital beds and black clothes and tears and people who kill each other because they think they’re better. There are bad news you weren’t expecting at 3:34am and traffic when you just want to get home because today your boss was just worse than usual. There are people who don’t read the poetry you spent four hours writing because it’s probably not that good and there are expensive drinks that taste like disappointment. There are bad movie adaptations to your favorite books and there are nights when you just can’t sleep.

But also:

There’s a moment when you realize you like to take an afernoon nap to the sound of rain and the beach is still there in the morning. Maybe it feels a little like freedom to have your secrets out there and maybe you don’t want to be at a party where everyone’s too drunk and doesn’t really care about each other. And maybe your grandma was in too much pain to be here still and there are also good news at 3:34am. Sometimes you’re stuck in traffic and wanting to kill someone and the air you breathe is pure claustrophobia but your favorite song starts playing on the radio and the city lights are so beautiful and poetic and you open the window and the air outside is pure happiness. Maybe your bad poetry made you feel something good and if you hadn’t tried that drink you would never stop wondering. At least you found that favorite book hidden between textbooks at the school library and you did smile a lot with that old friend you went to watch the movie with. And you realize it’s been too long since the last time you were up long enough to catch the sun rising.

Maybe it sucks to wash dishes and you did deserve at least a B+ on that test, but oh well.

There are surises you watch through the phone with someone special, good grades on test you didn’t study that much for, cheap drinks that taste delicious, sunny fridays when you just need a break, good movies just starting on cable and compliments from strangers who have no reason to lie. Sometimes, good things happen. Just like that.

But most importantly, sometimes bad things happen too, and it’s okay. Because when there a dishes on the sink and bad grades and rainy days and mean people and death and war and traffic and everything bad because there is so much bad – there is probably also something good to be found, and it’s probably not that hard to do so.

Life gets messy and dirty and ugly and positively terrible sometimes. But it’s also exquisite and fascinating, and it can be so, so beautiful.

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